Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Druid logic.

The earth beneath my feet is where I'm most comfortable. No footwear, a plain sheet covering my body, and a beard with long hair sprawling all over my head in every direction. At least, that's how simple I sometimes wish life would be. To just feel the grass as it weaves in and out between your toes, the wind caressing your face gently, the sun lighting your world, calming you so you can just sit down and relax. To live the life of a Druid, for a short time a least. Wouldn't that be just wonderful? It would be really messy though, you'd have twigs in your hair, you'd reak of dirt, sweat, and wild animal. Your teeth would probably be a mess, you'd be grossly thin, refusing to consume anything from nature that doesn't speak out and ask you to consume it, and, to be frank, you'd look totally insane. Could you imagine fighting a hobo looking like Jesus Christ calling upon the trees to entangle you in vines so he can turn into a bear and maul you? Maybe, but it'd be damn hard to picture! What kind of world do you think this is? And if you're one of those losers who thinks "Night Elf Druid chicks are so sexy in World of Warcraft" I got a few points I'd like to inform you of. First, what the hell is your problem? You really that big of a loser that you think a pixelated computer generated character model is attractive? It's a fucking game. Second, that game does not depict how real life affects a traveler. As a former WoW junkie I can say this much: How the fuck did I just go through an instance and get stabbed roughly 500 times and my white silk shirt is STILL in pristine condition. A real NELF Druid would NOT be hot by the time she got to you. And finally, I'd like to point out that a Druid is one with nature. That must mean you're part of nature, right? But that's not really the issue here. How can you turn into a bear, a cheetah or panther, or a bird? Or anything like that!? Where does the mass come from? How do you get rid of it to fly? How can your bones hollow out like that? And most importantly, where do your clothes end up? If you ask me, all these Druids would be in jail before dinging to level eleven. Dire Bear form is equal to public indecency and prison time, you sex offender!

In short, Druids are like Rotary Engines,
Those worked in theory as well.


  1. haha i have to do one of these on rangers some day.

  2. Well, we're really just waiting for you to write the damned article at this point.