I am a Mormon gosh darn it! And a Mormon just believes!

Hey everyone who still cares!

I recently had the pleasure of enjoying The Book of Mormon. No, not the ending to the Trilogy known as The Bible! I mean the hit Broadway musical "The Book of Morman."

Unfortunately, I only have the audio files (thanks Frank), but it still was an overly pleasant experience. I laughed, I cried, I lost ten pounds! This musical "can change your life in so many ways."

From the very first track to the last, this musical is overly entertaining. It also is pretty informative, being that it has odd facts here and there. My first taste of it was "Hasa Diga Eebowai," which is some African language (probably made up, I haven't exactly done all the research) phrase that is akin to the Lion King. Eebowai means God, and Hasa Diga means Fuck You, so in English I guess it means Fuck you God (you really shouldn't say that). The breakdown in the middle is also very well crafted, and catches you off guard. And as filthy as it is, it still feels like a light hearted song (my heart is numb).

Then there's "Hello." This one has to be heard, but even with just the audio, I can picture how it would look in my head perfectly. I guess I have an above average imagination.
So, I guess I should break it down. Unfortunately, I'm far too lazy. I don't know what else to say, it's been a few days (weeks). I hope you don't have some spooky Mormon hell dreams, because that'd be unfortunate. Anyway, if anyone would like the entire musical, or select parts, I'd be happy to share them. Just ask with a comment, email, or some random mugging on the street. The last one works well.

That's all for now. Check you awesome folks later. I'm far too busy being popular.

I can be my own best friend

"Your" is NOT equal to "you're."
Know your "there/their/they're" before you use it.
A lot. Alot is what special people say when their pee sticks feel good.
Weird. I don't understand how you fucked that one up, but it IS NOT wierd.
Apostrophes are important. It is = it's. "Its" is possessive and will fuck you up if you cheat on it.
Capitalization is the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse," and "helping your uncle jack off a horse." -.-
"I love you" is not something you use to get someone to like you even more. It is a tool to trick someone into giving you a blow job. I disagree with this, still.
Moving is an illusion. And a paradox.
Paradoxes rely on your frame of reference. So does your life span, because you all are dead to me.
The period belongs INSIDE the quotation mark. Example: "Hi."
I is less than three you. I want to make this especially clear. < is not less than, it's IS less than. If you don't know that, you're a fucking retard. I'm not your friend.
You could argue that I'm the idiot here, but you would lose that argument.
You can't insult me if I'm not insulted. Try as hard as you feel the need to, and you will still fail.
To and too are two VERY different words. Too is akin to also. To is not. And two is a number.
Animals are FOOD not friends. All vegetarians suck. The only good thing about a vegetarian is more meat for me. Other than that, they could get molested by trains for all the fucks I don't give.
Life is one giant failure. You will always fail. If you ever succeed, you failed at failing.
Than and then are not part of the swingers club. One can not be used in place of the other.
And if you give more than zero fucks, fuck off.

The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.

Lately, there's been this one girl in my head, which is a good thing. That is, it is under normal circumstances. However, currently, this isn't a normal circumstance. It's beginning to get to me. I'm handling it, but the closer winter gets, the more I dream of melancholic days. There's this on some, by Bright Eyes, that I can't get out of my head, and I personally feel like it has one of the most powerful lyrics found in a song concerning "love." I'll let you decided, really.

"... I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss. So many men, stronger than me, have thrown their backs out, trying to lift, it. But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split, the love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist."

It honestly just speaks to me. I wasn't always like this, but sometimes I feel like I'm becoming this hollowed out guy who truely can love someone for a night, and disappear by the morning.

Her mouth is poison and wine.

I'm not sure you can comprehend what I would do for that girl, but it's pretty sick. I really am truely in love with her, and it's proving difficult to remove her presence from my thoughts. I really do like thaat girl. She's a wonderful girl, one of the best I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. If I knew that our time together would end so abruptly, I would have cherished every mili-second instead of the plain seconds. I never felt so strongly for someone. Ever. All the people I've known, all the people I've met, they mean nothing without her. I still have her letters, and I still read them through, and I still fall in love with her again, and again, every time, without fail. I found the person I wanted to marry, but she didn't find me. I wish I could see her one last time, but this is how my life will end. Without her. I'll get over her. Eventully. But it sure will be difficult. That's for sure.

Google Calendar & co.

I never realised how important it is to stay organised. I mean to say, I've always understood why, I just never noticed how crucial it is to everyday life. That's when I learned about Google Calendar. It does this neat trick called cloud sync, which means, if I enter something into my personal calendar with my Google account, it's automatically synced up with every calendar I have on every electronic device I have with Google Calender. Not to mention that I can access it offline. It's essential to optimise your time schedule so you can maximize your effectiveness to enjoy your pre-planned day to it's fullest. Pretty neat, huh?

Some people like to casually mention I may be obsessed with Google, but they're completely wrong. I enjoy cloud computing. There's only one company I can trust to be consistent with that, and you already know who that is. I mean, have you ever tried to Google something and been redirected because the servers were down? Of course not! This is Google, not Bing.

There's also the OS consistency I enjoy. I am a huge fan of Linux (fuck you, I have Wine) and it's nice to do advanced programming on the go. Not to mention an amazing start up and resume time! I mean, when I'm in an situation that requires urgency, I cannot afford to waste more than eight seconds for start up time.
And as always, I have to make you smile. I'll share a story and save the anecdotes for the smart people for a later post.

Yesterday was my oldest brothers birthday, he is an old fart. Finally twenty-four, not that he knows it (yet). I called him up to wish him a happy birthday, and he amused me with this wonderful story about Mushroom Wars (PS3 Downloadable Video Game).
"Anthony, do you play Mushroom wars?"
"Yeah."
"Well whenever you feel like getting your ass kicked,you have to play against me. I'm so good. Nobody can beat me. Not even Chala! I'm so good you'll say I should have been an accountant, wondering where the fuck I get all these numbers from. I just beat Joey and Chala. Twice. In a row. They can't fuck with me, once I start getting the numbers going you'll be like 'oh fuck what the fuck did you do?' And then I'll win."
I laughed at this.

Finally, we are looking for an editor. Send me an email if you're interested. Understand that I use English spellings and Charles is always tired when he writes. I'll respond with an application to your email, or, if I know you know your stuff, I'll just welcome you to the team.
Farewell for now,
A.M.A.

A good friend of mine told me ...

... now that I have your attention....

dude, you need to work on your coping skills.... take a deep breath, put a day aside (Monday is a holiday, try then....), straighten out your shit (develop protocols... it's a life-long process...).

a significant percent of life is organizing...

clear the decks then get to the important stuff... and get enough sleep.... don't get up on Sunday.... or get up at noon, shit, eat, scratch your balls, take a nap from 1PM to 5PM... repeat as necessary...

talk with a professor... or all of them... take walks.... take a break from all that electronic crap.... eat, scratch your balls, take a nap from 1PM to 5PM... repeat as necessary...

fucking relax.... eat, scratch your balls, take a nap from 1PM to 5PM... repeat as necessary...

listen to some classical music, smoke something, find some girl who'll let you snigg between her legs.... with out further obligation... eat something you like.... scratch your balls, take a nap from 1PM to 5PM... repeat as necessary...

... stay in touch.... if you need someone to tell you to go fuck yourself, I'm your guy...

------
I didn't write this, just a email I received from my friend. Really good advice ... for guys.

I'm tired as fuck.

My school fails so hard, they sync everything up on they're private servers. And I use that word loosely, because nothing syncs, it has to be manually updated. Then they sync with Microsoft. FUCK MICROSOFT. I have to manually sync up my Google Calendar now. I'm also tired as fuck. And then I have to figure out how to push my UML email notifications to my phone. The credit union I joined doesn't have an app yet, but they're (barely) working on it. The name is awesome (Jeanne D'Arc) and it's got a pretty debit card. Did I mention I'm tired as fuck? Dealing with half commuting isn't that bad, and my roommate is pretty cool, but the one thing that's keeping me calm (other than the awesome 4G and country/folk radio) is the fact that I can visit Emily Kocot and Patricia Caliento when they finally decide to show up at their respective schools whenever the fuck I want. I'm gonna be the greatest annoyance EVER! And I'm tired as fuck!

P.S. Get to school!

Yoshimi Battles The Evil Pink Robots

To be honest

I (not so) secretly wish that you're only doing this to make me get over you.

 That maybe there's something

  I could possibly do

That could put you back in my arms.

  There always was before.

  I figured it out then.

  Maybe I could do it again.

  Fix my mistakes.

  End my fuck ups.

To look into the eyes of the woman I love

  And have her look into mine

  And have something be mutual.

A Revelation

So for a very long time I kept asking myself a weird question that I couldn't answer. What's the point of Russian roulette? Was it to die, or to live? What was winning and what was losing? Then it hit me, it was all up to the player whether death or life was winning or losing. The same could be said about life really. It's up to each one of us individually to decide whether the point of life is living or dieing. We are free to chose to win or lose every day. So some may think the point of being born is to die while others believe it is to live. biologically speaking the point of life is to replicate one's DNA but i fail to believe that the ultimate goal in life is to fuck 24/7. What do you think your life means?

What is Tornado?

Okay, this is oldish, like, about June 1st.
This doesn't make much sense -_-
So I apologize for that, but some people "lol" at this, and I respect those people. You all rule :)

Recently I've realized I'm a big flaming Pansy. The fuck am I afraid of tornades for? They don't even kill people last I checked (5 people so FAR) . Plus they make awesome dreams. Like, seriously, columns of a God's will? How awesome is that? Plus , I noticed that most people's experience with these things comes from not being in Kansas anymore and something about a dog named Toto and his owners wish to go home. Yes, The Wizard of Oz. That movie did nothing in the lines of teaching me how to PROPERLY handle one of them tornadoes. First there's the fact that most people living in a city live in a building. Not a house. I felt cheated when my building was smashed and not lifted and taken for a ride in some garbage truck. Also, how the hell did a tornado throw her to a perfectly stable world? After the storm, I remember complete choas ravaging the streets of Springfield, Massachusetts. I also stood in one place so, yeah, never mind. Long story short, if you're in a tornados, BRING FOOD AND ENTERTAINMENT. Also, if you're single, people are very vulnerable after, use that. Also make sure you don't get stalked by a glitter friendly 'homire' (homosexual vampire) on your walk around town.

Anthony, you good?

I've never felt so close and distant from the people I once called friends as I do this afternoon, on 10 July, 2011. I'm literally closer to them than I have been in five years, and I'm also too impossibly far for them to see me or for me to say hi to them. When I say "friends," I am of course speaking of the friends I left behind in Florida. I day dream from time to time as I live life on this island about how they would react if I just pulled up to their house and yelled "Hey Wes! Come on out!" I laugh silently to myself. If I could do that, I would. But they are only day dreams, not real. So it saddens me when the thought leaves me mind because it'd be nice to see them again. Time changes everything, and I like to think that maybe, just maybe, they think of me from time to time as well. How I've changed. I wonder how they have. I see people pass by everyday, surface encounters, and I pull more distant from society with each one. These are fake. I am real. But those, experiences, they're fake. It really bothers and upsets me. I don't understand why. They don't effect me directly yet I am forced to directly participate in said events. Blah blah blah, this must come off as boring, so I'll upload another article to make you laugh after this.

Resident Evil Logic

Resident Evil is one of my favourite video game series. It's a total and complete package, with characters spanning between games in all genres (for an odd example, Snowboarding, that's a weird place to put Leon Scott Kennedy, but hey, who am I to judge? It worked, didn't it?). But as far as the main game story line goes, Resident Evil 1-5 (as of Tue 5 July 2011), only Resident Evil (RE1) made any sense! Well, that's not saying much because even RE1 made barely any sense at all. So with this, I introduce to our very few readers, a discussion of sorts, and an experiment, testing the minds of anyone who has gotten this far, on the Resident Evil series. I personally plan to cover the five games in the main story line as well as some of the spin offs (like Resident Evil Outbreak with File #2 and Gaiden). My plan is to write an article for each, and then to have Charles do the same, so we can exploit as many flaws as possible.

And remember, in Resident Evil, it's not what can help you most that you take with you on a journey, it's what you find the most useless.

"You step into a room and lined on the walls are countless firearms, grenades, explosives, and random stuff that is 'super effective against living things' to kill enemies with. You see a small desk in the corner. You approach said desk and open the drawer. Upon peering inside you see planty of ammo for the Revolver, Handgun, and Shotgun you carry with you now. You push all the ammo aside and find a slighty bent tooth pick. Picking it up you dumbly cry out 'A tooth pick! This will be very useful!' and proceed to put it in your pocket. Your business here being finished, you leave the room and all it's contents behind and break the door knob for good measure. There is no point in being tempted to enter that useless room again!"

The Great Cultural Divide

So what games are worse, Japanese exclusive or American exclusive? The sad reality might be that Japan's failures are worse than ours. The main reason why Japanese games would be not wanted or not allowed into America would have to be because of their sexual content. Not just dick in pussy sexual content but weird shit like hentai, tentacle rape, and lolicon. A perfect example of this would have to the game Rapelay in which you rape a mother and her daughter in various locations like a subway station and their house. When this hit American shores it immediately caught the attention of the ESRB and was summarily banned and deported. This caught the attention of the American news stations and was all over the internet and was a large controversial topic. Although people can still download the game online and play it, if only a few people play the game or even know where to get it then in my book it's a complete failure. Now there are countless other games that involve tentacles raping anime characters or fighting games where the loser is raped (Battle Raper) but we'll never get a chance to even try these games because there is no great demand and the ESRB would never let those games be sold at your local game stop. It's a shame but maybe it's for the best as even in Japan these games are only purchased and played by a very select few pockets of gamers which makes profit an improbability for the developers, which in turn creates an infinate loop of poverty making the games of a general low quality. Meaning it all comes down to mass appeal and finance. Some games like Custom Robo 2 and Metal Slug 7 never made it to America because of unpopularity in Japan even though they don't have raping or tentacles. Custom Robo was a favorite of mine back in 2004 for the GameCube even though it and it's sequal were released in Japan for the N64 in 1999 and 2000. so next time you see a weird Japanese game in America be thankful and give it a try, there are a lot of good games trying their hardest to become international and trust that the ESRB will slam the ban hammer on any wacky Japanese sex games and trust that it's for the best (and btw the creepy Japanese game shown ids called Muscle March for the Nintendo DS).

Druid logic.

The earth beneath my feet is where I'm most comfortable. No footwear, a plain sheet covering my body, and a beard with long hair sprawling all over my head in every direction. At least, that's how simple I sometimes wish life would be. To just feel the grass as it weaves in and out between your toes, the wind caressing your face gently, the sun lighting your world, calming you so you can just sit down and relax. To live the life of a Druid, for a short time a least. Wouldn't that be just wonderful? It would be really messy though, you'd have twigs in your hair, you'd reak of dirt, sweat, and wild animal. Your teeth would probably be a mess, you'd be grossly thin, refusing to consume anything from nature that doesn't speak out and ask you to consume it, and, to be frank, you'd look totally insane. Could you imagine fighting a hobo looking like Jesus Christ calling upon the trees to entangle you in vines so he can turn into a bear and maul you? Maybe, but it'd be damn hard to picture! What kind of world do you think this is? And if you're one of those losers who thinks "Night Elf Druid chicks are so sexy in World of Warcraft" I got a few points I'd like to inform you of. First, what the hell is your problem? You really that big of a loser that you think a pixelated computer generated character model is attractive? It's a fucking game. Second, that game does not depict how real life affects a traveler. As a former WoW junkie I can say this much: How the fuck did I just go through an instance and get stabbed roughly 500 times and my white silk shirt is STILL in pristine condition. A real NELF Druid would NOT be hot by the time she got to you. And finally, I'd like to point out that a Druid is one with nature. That must mean you're part of nature, right? But that's not really the issue here. How can you turn into a bear, a cheetah or panther, or a bird? Or anything like that!? Where does the mass come from? How do you get rid of it to fly? How can your bones hollow out like that? And most importantly, where do your clothes end up? If you ask me, all these Druids would be in jail before dinging to level eleven. Dire Bear form is equal to public indecency and prison time, you sex offender!

In short, Druids are like Rotary Engines,
Those worked in theory as well.

Persepolis. Great.

So class of 2011, I have a question for all of you. What is your summer reading requirement? Is it all print? Oh that's cool. I got Persepolis. That's right, a COMIC BOOK. What kind of broken college am I attending? Not only isn't it wildly ridiculed for not being Umass Amherst, but even our reading material seems to be a joke. "Haha, you idiots get to read comics." At least that's how I felt at first. Soon, however, I got to thinking. This isn't some curse or bad omen. This is a gift. Something different. While everyone else is stuck, bored, reading books they have no care about, I was sitting in car (my favourite place to read) reading Persepolis, a amazingly entertaining comic about a young girls struggle growing in Tehran during a revolution. And to make it even better (or worse for you unlucky folks) it's a MEMOIR. A damned good one at that. So I praise you, directors or Umass Lowell, for picking an awesome book. Also, Professor Kramer, who is highly intelligent and witty. And finally, a thank you to Marjane Satrapi for sharing your story with the world. I loved every minute of it.

If there's a God, it hates me.

So I'm pretty sure I have figured out what this God character has decided for me. Don't be offended and please don't be afraid. I'm sure that he (that being how I refer to this omnipotent being) is upset with me. Everything I somehow end up on top and collect things he seems to think it's a great time to take it all away. Everything I get a good number of items to live with they are 'stolen' from me. Our conversations sound a little like this:
Me: Hey God, what's up?
God: Nothing much. Hey is that the new Bethesda game?
Me: Sure is!
God: And is it Game of the Year Edition?
Me: Yeah! I just bought it on Amazon.com.
God: And what system do you play that on?
Me: A playstation three, obvi! ;)
God: Don't you need, like, a nice HD telly in order to fully enjoy your game system?
Me: Of course silly! I got a Vizio flat screen telly.
God: And what is all of that stuff?
*He gestures to all my stuff*
Me: My personal belongings I've obtained this year.
God: What the heck dude? Noooooo! Stop collecting stuff.
*He now turns into Oprah Winfrey*
God: Everybody gets tornadoes! You get a tornado, you get a tornado!
*A tornado then decimates my house and God turns back into his regular omnipotent self*
God: Take that, you are not worthy! You don't get nice things. You don't deserve it.
Me: What the heck God?
And so goes the story of my life. Collect items. Get safe and comfy with my life. Fall in love. Watch everything get destroyed by some "disaster" that I have no control over. Then complain about it.